Moving through the water
feeling so lonely
that it’s poignant
when the mood hits me
it’s sudden and unexpected
convulsive arching
and raspy clicks
my body all at once
alien
and out of control;
a female mate hears me
and one reaction
begets another
inner demons for us both
near but far
she begins her own
dizzying dance
and gradually she nears me
then just when I think I’ve got her
a flip from her side
a flick really
a wave
and she’s gone
leaving me punctured
with spores she has flung
that sprinkle my back
like a dozen darts
the pain piquant
as I am drilled into
by each one of them
tiny nestling things
that burrow through my skin
and make pockets for themselves;
the earlier excitation I had felt
dissipates into pain
and then nothingness
leaving me forlorn
melancholy
dilapidated
and gently floating
back down
down into the doldrums
of the murky mud
where I console myself
sucking algae and slime
and waiting
as the days go by
until there is movement
there beneath my skin
subtle at first
barely noticeable
but each day
more and more annoying
a burden I am desperate
to be free of
small swimmers
underneath my skin
each in their own pocket
these swimmers
desperately want to be free
they scrounge around
and scratch
waiting for the day
when finally
as impulsive as I was
they push out
and burst free
the sharpness of each burst
a singular scintillating pain
bright in its color
each burst renews it
a frightening repetition
until it’s over
leaving me
exhausted
grotesque
and pockmarked
yet relieved
my children have now gone
and I’m free again
until the next time.
– matt at shadow of iris
[This poem, although differing from, was inspired by the reproductive life of the Surinam Toad.]
