somniat 23: parousiamania

somniat 23 — parousiamania

I open my eyes
and I hear the ringing again
echoing across quivering black walls
that stretch in strange ways
so that I think, I could just reach out with my fingers
and touch the ceiling of the promenade
but when I try
it fades from from my touch —
was it always like this?

I used to come here, religiously;
Saturday mornings would always find me
in the used book store, the old musty book smell –
incense for my soul;
the old balding owner with his dropping glasses
would let me sit on the floor anywhere,
while I browsed through yellowed paged books
and wondered about lives now gone but still aflame;
then, after that, if there was still time
I’d always go the trinket shop
where they had small carved out wooden Buddhas,
and jeweled elephant figurines next to statuettes of monkey gods
and multi-armed ice-blue Shivas;
then finally after perhaps a detour or two,
I’d end it all with a visit to the shop of rocks
where I’d gaze at spheres of lapis lazuli
and touch small pyramids of aragonite.

A phone rings again and I can see the sound;
it is a white pulsation that shimmers through the dimness
past the ghosts of yesterday,
ancient specters that cry out for a world now gone;
this time, I find myself able to reach out
so that I can literally touch the sound
and bring it to my lips;
its taste, a sad, sweet, melancholic liquor –
the rush of nostalgia is so intense
I heave and gush out all my memories
and am left a blank and empty slate;
I’m suddenly on my knees, retching out
nothing but air — and a bitter bile;
what did they make do?

I steady myself, and stand up again,
I follow the panorama of sound –
a white glowing platinum smoke that pulsates with each ring;
I go past the book store, and the old man is there again,
though he died years ago —
he smiles at me and winks an eye,
he knows something;
and I walk past the trinket shop,
where I find that the little monkey gods have broken out of their molds
and ride atop the jeweled elephants trumpeting in parousiamania,
while all the ice-blue Shivas have come to life and dance,
arms like soft waves of water amid an aura of flames,
and all of it so mesmerizes me
that for a moment I remember who I was,
way back when
I still believed.

I continue to follow the light of the ringing,
the effervescent waves that ripple across the darkness;
this leads me nearly the entire length of the promenade
all the way to the shop of rocks
where I find its source,
an old black rotary dial phone that sits on a counter
and now rings in heavenly bells that play out a gentle melody
as it calls to my soul.

I see her hand first, as she reaches for the receiver;
she has smooth, delicate, gentle fingers — exquisite,
and as she picks up the phone, I follow her fingers
all the way to her face, and I have to catch my breath,
for her eyes are bottomless pools of soul, reflecting back
deep substrates of buried feeling;
her entire face glows, a flame in the blackness,
a warmth in the coldness;
she has soft straw colored hair that falls haphazardly
not quite making it to her shoulders;
she has full lips that curve up
to a place somewhere between compassion and foreboding;
she has changed forms,
but I know I have found my angel.

• somniat 42: up
• somniat 41: the girl from the men's room
• somniat 40: the general
• somniat 39: where naked angels weep
• somniat 38: devils
• somniat 37: ... and now you are dead
• somniat 36: the dry well
• somniat 35: the grotto
• somniat 34: passages iii
• somniat 33: passages ii
• somniat 32: passages i
• somniat 31: home
• somniat 30: between fate and destiny, part ii
• somniat 29: between fate and destiny, part i
• somniat 28: can you run?
• somniat 27: the lolling tongue
• somniat 26: what the gargoyle saw
• somniat 25: chrysocolla
• somniat 24: heat
• somniat 23: parousiamania
• somniat 22: basalt and ebony
• somniat 21: a festival of stars
• somniat 20: a standoff
• somniat 19: wingless dragonflies
• somniat 18: an exchange between lawyers
• somniat 17: the old cinema
• somniat 16: through the vent
• somniat 15: out and into
• somniat 14: a decision in retrospect
• somniat 13: trust
• somniat 12: utterly beautiful
• somniat 11: spotted
• somniat 10: the men's room
• somniat 9: through the alcove iii
• somniat 8: through the alcove ii
• somniat 7: through the alcove i
• somniat 6: the mountain
• somniat 5: the change
• somniat 4: fear
• somniat 3: numbers
• somniat 2: in shadows
• somniat 1: a place underground